Chop Suey

Two Thumbs Up!

FOUR STARS!

Six Golden Popcorn Buckets Out of Ten!

What? No. Why the need to assign some kind of ridiculous scale system? I think those are flawed so I don’t do it. I don’t like them and there are just too many variables involved.

One of my favorite movies is John Carpenter’s “Big Trouble in Little China”. Have you seen it? <crickets chirping> Heard of it?... Right, well it’s the best movie from 1986 starring Kurt Russell about Asian mysticism, kung-fu fighting, guys flying on lightning bolts, and rescue the princess type fantasy. FOUR STARS!

But, I’ve also seen director Mark Herman’s holocaust drama “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” which is one of the most emotionally draining films on the subject I’ve ever seen. What a sad, haunting, hard hitting film. FOUR STARS!

Do you see the problem?

I also love the movie “Iron Eagle” but to put it lightly, it’s a piece of shit. FOUR STARS!

Oh my, Coupon Suzy!

This isn't really movie related but, have you seen the commercial starring "Coupon Suzy"? I think it's for a website or something. I don't really know because I can't stop staring at her ridiculously huge chest in her tight, awful green shirt to really pay attention.

After seeing it a few more times, I have it figured out though. Suzy is selling a bra that allows women to up their cup size while also storing money saving coupons. This advanced padded bra technology allows the breast-challenged females of the world a way to feel valued while also providing budget saving values. Genius!

What woman wouldn't want to go through the day feeling self-confident and ogled while storing "buy two, get one free" goodies on one boob and being gently comforted by the Gorton Fisherman and his promise of fifty cents off two boxes of fish planks under the other?

Kudos! (btw Suzy, which tit has the coupon for those?)

Return of the, aw whatever...

I wonder if the Emperor's dad
helped him rebuild it?

Okay, I'm back. After the little water "mishap" in the basement last month, we are well on our way to having things all fixed up and redone. More reviews will follow soon. What a disappointment the whole thing was though. Still, it's kind of like what happened to the Death Star in the original (and best) Star Wars movie.

Sure, it was a great space station. I'm sure the Emperor put alot of thought into just what he wanted and how things should look on his giant orb of doom. The perfect shade of gray, giant laser, docking bays out the ass, trash compactors... green light that shit! I'm sure he was all like, "Hell yes, this thing is ready! Blow up Alderaan!" 

Who can blame him for being excited?

Well, he forgot about that little exhaust port on the ass end of the thing and look what happened. Luke flies down the trench, fires a couple of proton torpedoes and just like a Kurt Cobain shotgun blast, KA-BLAM!, the whole thing was over. Now substitute the Death Star with my basement and a couple of faulty sump pumps for proton torpedoes, and you end up with my original basement out of commission. Bummer.



The guy on the left. WTF?

So now, just like the Empire, I'm rebuilding. No, it won't be radically different but things have been redone with little safeguards here and there. I'm hoping we get a much better go of things this time around. At least until another weakness is found and Billy Dee and vagina face decide to blow my shit up.

The Train That Couldn't Slow Down

Unstoppable (2010) starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine.

I thnk the term "popcorn movie" sums it up pretty well. It's big, loud, and it keeps you entertained for 98 minutes.

Anybody want a peanut?

The Princess Bride (1987) starring Cary Elwes, Robin Wright & Andre the Giant.

Who doesn't love this movie? My first viewing was a library-borrowed VHS tape on a snow day home from school. It's been a favorite ever since.

Sarah Gets A Netflix Movie

Life As We Know It (2010) starring Katherine Heigl and the guy from "Transformers" (No, the other guy.)

Two people who couldn't be any different are put together under unusual circumstances and end up happy together. (Let's face it, this is also the basic story to every movie Matthew McConaughey has made in the last six years.)

I laughed, Sarah cried, people looked pretty. End of story.

Remake Of Swedish Original

Let Me In (2010) starring incredibly good kid actors.

Ugh...not another vampire movie, right? Wrong! This movie has actually stuck with me days after watching it. Not because of the story but because of the "mood" of the film. There's a couple of great sequences of tension too. It wasn't perfect but if I'm still thinking about it two or three days later...  I liked it!